Is it just me or am I the only one....

Well everyone I know is married, has a lover or has someone they can spend time with this Valentines!! Even if its just a sweet phone call to say "I love you" or "I miss you" and really mean it. Am I the only one that is going to be "lonely"?? What I mean by lonely is not having that "special someone" with you. At least I will have my children this Valentines day and hopefully I have my income tax and maybe I can take them to the movies or at least out to a nice family restaurant or maybe go buy them a Disney movie that we can watch at home and I order pizza and just spend time with them. You know. Cross your fingers that my income tax comes in!!

A*hoe told me (of course its bullshit) that he planned on growing old with me and watching our children grow up together. I looked at him and laughed! I couldn't help it! If he really thought like that or really meant that he wouldn't have been with her Again, he was just with her Sunday!! I guess he thinks the more he just tells me this stuff I will eventually cave in and be with him. I meant it when I said I was done with him. If he can't prove it to me and stand up and be a man and keep his word then there isn't shit I need to talk to him about, only about Serina and Alayna. THAT'S IT!! I don't want him to call me anymore I don't want him to keep playing games with me. I have a family I am trying to bust my ass off for to get them what little I can!! I don't have time to wait for him to finally straighten up and step up! My children need me now, they need him now, not just when he is done with his partying and drinking! But of course that's toooooo much to ask, he has so many bills that he needs to pay off. And I told him "Oh poor you, EVERYONE HAS THEM YOU DUMBASS, that's no excuse to fuck off and fuck some 304". For some odd reason he got upset? HAHAHA

Enough about, I am so tired!! I went to the doctor yesterday and I lost another pound. Not good. So I have to go back tomorrow and get a sono done to make sure she is healthy and growing right. I am 32 wks and 5 days along already and my doc thinks maybe she might just want to come into the world alot sooner. So we're thinking anywhere from march 1st till the 25th. But the sono will tell us more. I think she's healthy, with the way she is kicking the hell out of my ribs, organs and ** areas, trust me she is fine! hahaha I have nothing for her yet, I have to go get a crib, car seat, ect. A*hoe said he is working on getting that for me? Yea right, what he is going to do is get that stuff and it'll all be at his house, I already know, so I am getting my stuff for my house for my baby girl! I can't depend on him. Anywho, Alayna is going to be georgous and healthy. I can't wait to see her and actually met her!! I hope my friends show up to the hospital, they have been the only real ones there for me. My family has issues, I know my dad and my sister, my brother, my uncle and aunt will be there but I would really love my friends there! Hint, Hint!

I know this is a place where I can let out everything, my thoughts, my feelings, my anger, ect... but I hate the way I feel. I use to be soo happy and cheerful and outgoing! Now its like "Guess what drama I had today" I hate it! I feel like crying all the time, alone, stupid and ugly!! I use to have problems (of course everyone does) but I wouldn't let it get me down, I would just overcome it and say "fuck it, Im going to live my life" How do I get back to that?!?! Well that's it for now, Im done complaining ;)