Im not ready

I know how much Alex will hate this but you know what he has not proven ANYTHING to me and I just cant let myself open up my home to him when he gets out.  Ive worked too hard for what I have without his or his families help!  I was literally driving myself crazy thinking of him coming out and moving in with me and me going through the same thing I went through and having to go through the trouble/drama of kicking him out, if that were to happen.

So since his family is SOOO supportive of him, he will move in with them and get a job and prove to me that THIS family is what he really wants to take care of and provide for. 

Im not ready for him or any other man right now.  I know its sad but I can't see myself possibly going through everything I've been through with him or my ex-husband.  Going through physical, mental and emotional abuse can tear any woman down!  But we can turn that around and make us stronger and smarter so that when we are ready to move on and give our all, we'll be ready and know what we want!

What made me make this decision is my children, they have gone through heck and back with me and they deserve the best, they deserve to be settled down and they deserve this! 

With that said, I did not go see Alex last weekend and possibly will go this weekend to let him know that he needs to make other arragements for when he gets out.  I haven't written him for a while, I can't bring myself to write him anymore.  I feel like I have been lying to myself since he went to jail thinking 'well being taken away from someone who had stood by his side, who accepted him for who he was and who tried to hard to make him see how a family should be would and may have actually changed him'  But you know what, its his turn to show me and to prove to me "why should I be with you?"