This is hopeless....
Ok mediation was yesterday from 1:30 - 5, yes longest mediation in history I believe. Well the nice lady introduce herself and made us feel comfortable (as much as she could) I swear I know she could feel the tension in the room, I think she wanted to pull out the knife and just start slicing! No not us, the TENSION! haha Ok... Well think about it, its me/my lawyer, Alex/his lawyer, and my ex/his lawyer and then this nice sweet lady. I felt bad for her, she was shaking when she finally came to us and said "this is hopeless", her little hands were shaking, she couldn't sit still and at times she almost stuttered. Now this was not from me or Alex! And how do I know that, well let me explain....
We are sitting in this HUGE square table with 7 chairs around it, she was at the head of the table then to her right (going around the table) is my lawyer, me, Fidel's lawyer, Fidel, Alex's lawyer, Alex. She starts with me! Yea scared to death to even speak! I said "I am willing to continue with the 50-50 custody but I will NOT lose anymore of my time with my children, if we cannot negotiate 50-50 then I will have to go for full custody", she goes "ok and you (pointing to Alex)", "well, me and Crystal have not had any problems with our current joint custody and if I have to I will have her as the Sole provider and I get my visitations but I don't see it ever getting to that point where me and Crystal will have problems, we talk about everything and when we don't agree, we always seem to have a middle ground somewhere", She goes "Great and now you (pointing to my ex)"....
Now I want to you picture my ex, THE WHOLE TIME he is sitting with his arms crossed, eyebrows raised and he is slumped in his chair almost as if he were at home legs stretched out in front of the TV. Now then lets continue....
"well I am going to tell it like this, this is going to be a waste of our time. I want full custody and I will allow them to have extended visitation, if that is not going to be agreed on then we might as well leave and wait till Trial on Monday" now that's when I noticed the nice lady had this expression on her face like, this is not going to be easy. So when the nice lady asked my lawyer what she thought, my lawyer said that is not something we will agree to AT ALL! Then his lawyer goes off on my lawyer and she fires right back! Now remember I am sitting between them, I was slowly going to slide under the table for cover but I "sat" my ground! haha. Then the nice lady stood up and said "Now stop, you and you (Fidel and his lawyer) go to the room across the hall, I see obviously we are not going to corporate." and Alex's lawyer says "Hey I didn't have a chance to say anything!" and we all busted out laughing, the only 2 that weren't laughing was, of course, my ex and his lawyer. Well they finally left the room so its just the 4 of us and his lawyer sits where my ex was sitting and mocks him *crossing arms* "Its my way or nothing" and of course we are laughing. Well this is the 1st time Alex's lawyer has ever seen and met Fidel and of course he didn't like his attitude. Go Figure. About 20 minutes later, she comes back in and says basically that he isn't going to budge and that he is at least offering me something. WHAT?!?! Ok I kept my cool... then she said "Ok what if he removed you paying support, would you agree?" Now, I felt myself getting angry and wanting to yell "What kind of question is that!?" BUT I took a deep breathe and looked at her with the most serious look to let her know that what I was about to say is what I meant! Nothing with her but so that she knows. "I have paid support in the past and that is not what I care about, I fought hard to get my 50-50 visitations with my children and I am not going to give that time back. The point is if Fidel gets custody of the children, I will not have a part of their lives or a 'say-so' in anything they will participate in. The only part of their lives I will have if they reside with him is the weekends I get them and that's it! I will not do that! I won't do that! I am their mother and I love them with everything I have and more! I am willing to agree with 50-50 but I will absolutely not give up any of my time with them!" She looked at me, and its like she knew what I was saying was true, I want to be with my children, I want my children to be with ME! But if it will make this whole process easier for the children then yes I will stick with this 50-50 FOR MY CHILDRENS SAKE! So she goes back to them.... about an hour later she comes back and says "this is hopeless, I'm sorry there was nothing that could be settled but I wish the best" she smiled, shook our hands and left.
Ok, now as you can imagine what kind of day I had yesterday and I will not let it ruin my today! Right? Wrong! I am freakin' out! I have a 3-day trial that begins on MONDAY! Monday that's less that 3 days away!!! Oh, wait its better, its a JURY TRIAL! 13 strangers are about to know EVERYTHING about me and choose the future of my children's lives for the next 13+ years! Our children that they know nothing about! They don't even know how they look, how they smile, how funny they are, how they will just run to you and hug you and say how much they love you, how they say their prayers kneeling at their bed side and at then end of their prayer they say "I love you God", how everything just seems right when they see you cry and they just know to hug you and say " I love you, its ok". It has happened about 2 or 3 times when I cried in front of my children but its not purposely, its usually when I lay in bed and they are suppose to be asleep and they walk into my room and hear my little sniffs. I hate crying in front of them! I have not prayed as I should have been, I let life run me low. I am so emotionally and physically drained. I will get back on track!
Lord, you know my heart, you know how much I love my children. Please, I pray this prayer through Jesus Christ. Whatever the out-come, what-ever the courts decide, let it be your will Lord. I pray that you fill the court room, my lawyer, the judge, Alex's lawyer and the jury with you spirit. I pray that you continue to give me strength, courage, understanding and to continually fill me with your spirit Lord. Amen
We are sitting in this HUGE square table with 7 chairs around it, she was at the head of the table then to her right (going around the table) is my lawyer, me, Fidel's lawyer, Fidel, Alex's lawyer, Alex. She starts with me! Yea scared to death to even speak! I said "I am willing to continue with the 50-50 custody but I will NOT lose anymore of my time with my children, if we cannot negotiate 50-50 then I will have to go for full custody", she goes "ok and you (pointing to Alex)", "well, me and Crystal have not had any problems with our current joint custody and if I have to I will have her as the Sole provider and I get my visitations but I don't see it ever getting to that point where me and Crystal will have problems, we talk about everything and when we don't agree, we always seem to have a middle ground somewhere", She goes "Great and now you (pointing to my ex)"....
Now I want to you picture my ex, THE WHOLE TIME he is sitting with his arms crossed, eyebrows raised and he is slumped in his chair almost as if he were at home legs stretched out in front of the TV. Now then lets continue....
"well I am going to tell it like this, this is going to be a waste of our time. I want full custody and I will allow them to have extended visitation, if that is not going to be agreed on then we might as well leave and wait till Trial on Monday" now that's when I noticed the nice lady had this expression on her face like, this is not going to be easy. So when the nice lady asked my lawyer what she thought, my lawyer said that is not something we will agree to AT ALL! Then his lawyer goes off on my lawyer and she fires right back! Now remember I am sitting between them, I was slowly going to slide under the table for cover but I "sat" my ground! haha. Then the nice lady stood up and said "Now stop, you and you (Fidel and his lawyer) go to the room across the hall, I see obviously we are not going to corporate." and Alex's lawyer says "Hey I didn't have a chance to say anything!" and we all busted out laughing, the only 2 that weren't laughing was, of course, my ex and his lawyer. Well they finally left the room so its just the 4 of us and his lawyer sits where my ex was sitting and mocks him *crossing arms* "Its my way or nothing" and of course we are laughing. Well this is the 1st time Alex's lawyer has ever seen and met Fidel and of course he didn't like his attitude. Go Figure. About 20 minutes later, she comes back in and says basically that he isn't going to budge and that he is at least offering me something. WHAT?!?! Ok I kept my cool... then she said "Ok what if he removed you paying support, would you agree?" Now, I felt myself getting angry and wanting to yell "What kind of question is that!?" BUT I took a deep breathe and looked at her with the most serious look to let her know that what I was about to say is what I meant! Nothing with her but so that she knows. "I have paid support in the past and that is not what I care about, I fought hard to get my 50-50 visitations with my children and I am not going to give that time back. The point is if Fidel gets custody of the children, I will not have a part of their lives or a 'say-so' in anything they will participate in. The only part of their lives I will have if they reside with him is the weekends I get them and that's it! I will not do that! I won't do that! I am their mother and I love them with everything I have and more! I am willing to agree with 50-50 but I will absolutely not give up any of my time with them!" She looked at me, and its like she knew what I was saying was true, I want to be with my children, I want my children to be with ME! But if it will make this whole process easier for the children then yes I will stick with this 50-50 FOR MY CHILDRENS SAKE! So she goes back to them.... about an hour later she comes back and says "this is hopeless, I'm sorry there was nothing that could be settled but I wish the best" she smiled, shook our hands and left.
Ok, now as you can imagine what kind of day I had yesterday and I will not let it ruin my today! Right? Wrong! I am freakin' out! I have a 3-day trial that begins on MONDAY! Monday that's less that 3 days away!!! Oh, wait its better, its a JURY TRIAL! 13 strangers are about to know EVERYTHING about me and choose the future of my children's lives for the next 13+ years! Our children that they know nothing about! They don't even know how they look, how they smile, how funny they are, how they will just run to you and hug you and say how much they love you, how they say their prayers kneeling at their bed side and at then end of their prayer they say "I love you God", how everything just seems right when they see you cry and they just know to hug you and say " I love you, its ok". It has happened about 2 or 3 times when I cried in front of my children but its not purposely, its usually when I lay in bed and they are suppose to be asleep and they walk into my room and hear my little sniffs. I hate crying in front of them! I have not prayed as I should have been, I let life run me low. I am so emotionally and physically drained. I will get back on track!
Lord, you know my heart, you know how much I love my children. Please, I pray this prayer through Jesus Christ. Whatever the out-come, what-ever the courts decide, let it be your will Lord. I pray that you fill the court room, my lawyer, the judge, Alex's lawyer and the jury with you spirit. I pray that you continue to give me strength, courage, understanding and to continually fill me with your spirit Lord. Amen
posted by Crystal @ 5:55 AM
3 Comments:
At 7:53 AM,
Lisa said…
awe! you made me cry!! i really hope everything that happens is for the best for the sake of your children!!
just know you're in my prayers!
love ya!
At 10:54 AM,
123 said…
Crystal......hang in there. I have walked where you are walking. I am telling you with all my heart that when the court date came and I was on the stand and was so afraid of what my ex's attorney would throw at me, a calm came over me and words flowed, I don't know where they came from, I hadn't planned anything I said as I had no idea what he would say. But just as sure as I sit here right now typing this I know that the Lord was sitting right there with me and the Holy Spirit was telling me what to say. It was quick. As uneasy as a mother can be about the possiblility of losing her child.... I was. I had to wait days to hear the judges decision BUT I got exactly what I had wanted. I didn't start any of the court issuses, my ex did. He sued me for custody. Needless to say, he lost.
I know exactly what you mean about not praying to. Fear,anxiety and despair can move in and steal your joy so easy. (Remember, your ex doesn't scare God, he doesn't have any of the affects on God as he does you, rest assured God knows him and knows exactly how to deal with him). Your faith is there and firm but it isn't being fed. I will pray for you and I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Stand firm. God has a plan and even though we don't always understand what that is we have to remember, he loves us and our children more than we can fathom. He loves our kids and gives them to US. He blessed YOU with all of them, not someone else, YOU. God doesn't make mistakes like we do. Hang in there, have confidence that God is at work here and has a plan. I don't know you and have never met you but I love you. God Bless. Dana
At 1:01 PM,
Anonymous said…
Man your in my prayers, Good Luck and let God be with you.
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