The LORD is AWESOME!

My trial was final, DONE on Friday 05/25/07! I was granted CUSTODY of my children! I make all the major decisions for them, like where they attend school, I carry the insurance, where they live, etc. I love it! I was so stressed and tired from all this fighting from Fidel for the past 3 years and its finally done! Now its time for me to show him how co-parenting works and how easy it can be to communicate and have both parents involved and it doesn't matter who have custody of them or not! The weird thing was on the last day of trial he was called to the witness stand again and while he was talking about recent events he kept referring to me as "his wife"?? Is that strange?? This is my first divorce and was wondering if anyone know if this is normal? Well I finally picked up my children Sunday and we have to come up with a visitation schedule that would fit both the children and our needs by Wednesday at 4pm. It feels so good to finally be completely free! I prayed so hard and I had so many people keeping us in their prayers and thinking of us and I know the Lord did what's right for the children. I love Him! He is great! He never lets me down! I'm in LOVE!

BLESSINGS

The Lord is good! The Lord is GREAT! I got a 2-bedroom, 1-bath and a laundry room last Saturday and have been enjoying every minute of it! My children saw it for the first time on Sunday and they were so excited and saying "Momma I love it, I love it! Its just us!" This is one of the blessings that was much needed and just in time (before I lost my mind!). Its 4-days till trial and my lawyer wants to meet up Monday at 4pm! Ummm ok, do you realize that i have to have my son in bed early for school and I have 2 other kids waiting on me and its the day BEFORE trial? But ok, want to keep everything fresh in my mind and me ready to go the next day.... So Im nervous but excited that this will finally be over and my children can be stable for a while. Ok have to get back to work...

ITS TIME...

To start the count down! I have (including today) 12 days till my first day of our 4-day trial! Talk about nerve racking! I dont want them to post-pone but I do! You know, Im ready for this to be done but I am soo scared of the out-come! Its been a while since I have blogged but its so hard to type out my feelings or anything I am going through right now. Everything is so confusing, nothing seems to go right and I feel myself just becoming less and less me! I use to be so happy, outgoing, the 1st person they would call and so full of life! When I have my children I feel like me but when I am alone or when my baby is asleep or at night when I should be sleeping I just want to scream and cry! Ive been praying more often but I know its not enough! I need to get rid of my car but can't find anyone to take over the payments (734 a month goes to the darn thing!) because of my stupid mistake of buying that stupid car I can't afford really anything, groceries have come to close to nothing, I can't pay rent and I can't get anything that's needed anymore! So my next idea is to call my fiance company and get the pay-off amount and see if anyone can refinance the car and take it away from me probably on that Craigs List place... who knows MAYBE someone is dumb like me and get it!! I dont see any other way out of it! But that's enough of that for now.... ok back to my trial, I still owe my lawyer lots of money and I am so scared of what the jurors are going to do with the rest of my childrens lives! You know, Fidel has decided that a Jury should figure out what to do with our children, a group of strangers are going to decide C S, visitaion schedule, etc.... STRANGERS that know nothing of my children, the way they look, their smiles, their I Love Yous, how beautiful they look when they say their prayers, NOTHING but they are going to decide everything for them? Does that make sense but whatever its done I am not giving up!