What's wrong with me?

No no not like Im crazy or anything. But I went to see Alex on Saturday and its like wow, I see myself different. His words didnt get to me, I was honest with him. I saw he was hurt but I am not putting him down or being a b*tch to him, but everytime he asked me "please believe me, I only want you, I promise you, etc" I would tell him no, I wont. He told me he understood why I feel the way I do and why I will not let him live in my home, he hated saying that but he admitted he did it to himself. I was almost like, I dont have feelings for him anymore. It may be because Im living my life now, Im having fun, Im taking care of my kids by myself and I know I dont need him. Who knows. But I know when he gets out things will get hard for me. I know how I am, I want to help him better himself and I will end up bending over backwards to help him. Whether we are together or not, my children will need him so I feel I need to do my part to help him get there. He'll see that as us being together and make it more than I want it to be. He was denied parole BUT the parole guy came to talk to him about it and he told Alex that once he is done with his classes in March he will be released! Darn it I am not ready! So I may have to face him sooner than I planned,