Mind blowing!

I just finished reading ALL my blogs that I ever posted and talk about mind blowing! I was a stupid stupid insecure little "girl" back then and I see how weak I was before I actually started living for Him! Wow God certainly makes us stronger and wiser and we don't even realize it. I was reading and I saying to myself "why did I believe him? Was I really that ignorant to wait for him? NEVER AGAIN" and when I say that I mean it! NEVER AGAIN! But I am stronger and I have a better MAN in my life and He is not going anywhere AGAIN! I will continue to put Him first, do my tithes every check, read the Bible, pray, and have Faith that no matter what comes my way I will have my God first! He's the Man of my life! No one has ever taken care of me, taken me in their arms, or even had as much Love for me like He has! So why let Him go? Why not put Him first? Why? I remembered when I would cry every night that I was pregnant wondering why I was going through what I was going through, I didn't deserve it! Guess what I DIDN'T!! I put my self there, I didn't allow myself to believe anyone could treat me with respect, to have unconditional LOVE for me, to care about me and to actually put ME first! Now that I have God first in my life, I believe in all that now, I expect it all now, I want it all now, I deserve it!

So-So

My weekend was so-so... it had its ups and downs. I finally got Alex to take off the rims on my car and put my tires back on. I missed a get-together at Lisa's but I got the rest I had been missing out on for a while. I relaxed all day Saturday, just watched movies and lay in my bed with my daughter. Alex confessed a lot of feelings he had that I never knew he thought about but he was on some shit! I was pissed at him but he promised me over and over again that he would never do that again but that everything he said to me was the truth. I never thought that he would open up as much as he did Saturday. Im not going to update too much now, not really in the mood for some reason. I think its just because it a Monday.

HE IS THE ONLY ONE....

Who can really piss me off!!!!! My ex just called me and told me to never cut my son's hair again because we had to cut his hair to, practically, skin bald because Alex gave him a fade but he moved and the only way to fix it was to "skin" him! So Fidel calls me B*ing at me telling me to never cut his hair again, blahblahblah, and I yelled at him saying "Well I cut his hair all the time, it isn't like you cut it or keep up with it" and told me that he'll cut his hair from now on and he was waiting for his hair to grow out to give him a fade?? Ok now it doesn't take 3 months for hair to grow out for a FADE!!! I have been cutting his hair this whole time and the one time we make a mistake and have to "skin" him he wants to jump on my A* ... SCREW YOU!!!!!!! He is my son too and if I want to keep my son looking good, which means giving him a hair cut too, I'm going to do it!

Ok I'm done venting!

Tests of Faith

Now those of us who believe in God know how we go through tests of Faith. Sometimes we may lose our job, have financial trouble, problems with others, going to court for lies that your ex doesn't want to admit, ect. Just keep your faith and pray and know that God is going to see you through and everything will work out whether its how you want it or not. I know I have been put to the test plenty of times and I fail time and time again, BUT lately since I have been really straightening out my life for Him, I am pretty sure I have past most tests that have been thrown to me lately. Just remember that God is on your side and whatever trouble you may have and feel like you just can't get things right, its only temporary and God has something better planned, just keep your faith, pray and keep yourself close to God.

Which is it??

Ok now, either ya'll are really praying hard for me or God is really taking care of me. The scary incident that happened Sunday is suddenly not so scary. I will still think about it of course but it doesn't scare me anymore. I'm not saying it completely over or I shouldn't expect it to happen again but for some odd reason everything just seemed to fall into place yesterday.

Ok now!! My children are getting too big too fast!! Fidel is trying hard to take on the big brother role. I think he sees how hard it is to be a big brother! hahaha But I know he enjoys it!

Serina on the other hand is acting/imitating ME! She says everything I say to the baby like "Good morning Sunshine" "Who's the pretty girl? That's my pretty girl" and if I get "on" to my son and I put my hand on my hips, she'll do that same thing and look at me and make the same faces and repeat what I say! Haha TOO FUNNY! But I tell her to stop because no matter how cute it is my son doesn't need to hear it from her only from mommy!

And Alayna! She is getting so fat and chunky and so beautiful! She is going to the doctor this Saturday so I will be able to tell you how much she actually weights!! She plays with me now... I'll acted like I'm "biting" her feet and she'll laugh and stick her foot out and I'll "bite" it again!! I tickle her on her underarm and she'll laugh. SHE'S SO CUTE!!!

*Missing my babies*

Just Pray For Me!

My weekend had its up and downs... mainly ups because I had my children, other than that it sucked! I've been put in a scary situation that I have been in before but I am at least making an attempt to get myself out before it gets worse. Please don't ask me what it is because its something I really don't want to open up about but I just need you to pray for strength for me. It has me really thinking about what I care about the most and what I want for me and my children. Is this something I want my children around? Is this what I really want for ME? Is this the best I can do? Don't I deserve to be happy? Does God want me wait to see changes? God has everyone's life planned out, is this what I am meant to have? What do I deserve? You know... I know I deserve better or am I making myself think that way?

My life's changing before MY eyes!

Everyone knows how hard I have been fighting my ex in court to get my children back and one, really the only, down-fall I had were my warrants that I , keyword, HAD in Dallas and Farmers Branch. My ex felt that the children were not safe with me b/c I could get pulled over with my children in the car and they would go to CPS. BS!! he doesn't care about that and ya'll know it. Well I have prayed so much and of course everyone else prayers are working and making things right! I have been working OT every week, cut down on my spending, I mean I've done everything but I just couldn't get the money all at once! Well, Alex's parents didn't know how serious my warrants were until we got a letter from the courts saying we have court on the 23rd to see if we can agree to my children staying with Fidel and he would pick them up and drop them off every other weekend and I wouldn't have to pay Child Support. Well Alex's parent has helped me so much they paid my warrants off!!!! I owed Dallas 3,142 and Farmers Branch 255 and they paid it!!! I still have to pay them monthly but ITS PAID!!! I can now get my DL back and go to court next Friday and walk in there and say "Boooyaahhh, WHAT NOW" haha not really like that but I know my ex will be surprised and it going to throw them off track, they are not going to know what to do! But I want to thank everyone for their prayers and positive comments on my situations!! Oh yea and I don't speed anymore! *GASP* I didn't think it was possible but I am actually scared to speed now! hahaha

The Lord is so great! Just as someone reminded me today "everyone comes in our lives for a reason" and I am just so thankful for Alex's parents/family and all my friends and my family member who pray for us and support us!

God doesn't give you things you can't handle, and IF you feel you can't then give it ALL to Him! He'll take care of it for you!

No situation is worth getting stressed about! Especially when the Lord is first in your life!

God doesn't put you in bad situations, He gets you out of situations YOU put yourself into! But I promise you, you will come out of it a better and wiser and more thankful person!

Not fully recovered!

Ok my weekend really really sucked!! I was sick, I didn't even get my baby until Sunday afternoon! I MISSED HER SO MUCH!! I just couldn't do it. I ran fever off and on, my body ached so much, I couldn't stop coughing and sneezing. It was bad. Now I feel better just not yet fully recovered. I think I just need some sleep and I'll be ok.
Now here are some reasons why my weekend really sucked:

1. I wasn't able to go to Lisa's Friday
2. Missed Lisa's B-day party Saturday night!
3. Talked to my lawyer and I have to offically stop talking to Alex
4. I have to pay off my warrants and back C S in order to help my case with my kids
5. My mom SUCKS!!
6. My grandmother is childish!
7. Alex continues to piss me off!
8. I am so broke I can't even afford the dollar menu! haha now that was just funny
9. My manager won't get off my ass
10. I came and worked 6 hrs Saturday while I was sick as hell
11. Alex ran into Mea(Natalie's mother) and she still doesn't give a shit about Natalie she just wants Alex to sign divorce papers!! (Selfish B*)


OK I not done venting but this will do!

MAVS BAAAAABY!!!

CAN I GET A WOOT WOOT!!!

WHO'S RUN THIS?!?!?

MAVS BAABY!!


Ok guys Im still sick, I have the flu, my body hurts my head hurts even my eyes hurt. Im coughing like crazy... did you see that, it was my lung.... sneezing everywhere, runny nose, fever, everything man!!! My poor Lise!!! Im sorry to do this to you but *sign* I don't think I can make it tonight. I can't even be with my baby girl :*(

Does anyone have a "cure"?!?!? I've been like this for the past 3 days, its time for me to get better already!!!

Well my ex wants to terminate Alex completely from seeing Serina, have the kids live with him and I won't have to pay Child Support! Can I say ASSHOE?!?!! He doesn't even take care of them right!!! Hell I have to cut my son's hair, cut their nails, in other words I do all the grooming for them!! I have to take them a bath every time I get them. They are always filthy and hungry when I pick them up... I don't mind feeding or bathing them but why doesn't he do his part?!?!?! Heres a pic... its kinda hard to see them but Im sure you can make it out... My ex sent my little girl in this outfit!! And you wonder why there are sick men out there who take little girls!! BASTARD!! Remind you she is 3 yrs old not 30!! The top is a size 5 and the shorts are a size 2! It only ties in the back the whole back is showing!!! She's 3 and as she says it " Im a pretty princess" Im taking that to my lawyer Saturday for my appointment... and Im taking the pics with me too! He had her in a size 18M shirt/2T short that wouldn't even button and my son in a 2T shirt last time...
Serina's 3 going to be 4 in October
and Fidel is 4 going to be 5 in August

I am sick today, haven't had any good real straight 8 hour sleep, been on temper tantrum for the 2-3 days. I am pissed off at Alex for some news I got on Saturday and I need another job!!

Ok well lets talk about good news. I had my children all weekend and it was great!!! My baby girl is smiling a whole lot more on her own. She knows how to laugh a little and she recognizes me when others are around me she just focuses on me!! OMG!!! I love it!!! I love her!! I love my children!!!

Ok that's enough for right now.. I really don't feel good!

Natalie

This is Natalie! Isn't she pretty?!

Now isn't this a face of someone who is up to no good! "Look at me I'm a sweetheart, NOW give me money!" hahaha I love her!

Well I get my children today and its like my stress relief is FINALLY here!! haha I had planned on taking them to the movies but I am waay to tired and I have a Dr appt at 9 so I have to go to sleep early tonight. I am gong to get their pics done on the 16th of this month so I will have them ready to update on my page once I get them. Its going to be Fidel, Natalie, Serina and Alayna. I am not photogenic so I will not be in it. Sorry to disappoint all my fans but its not going to happen! haha

Well like I said, I have my Dr appt tomorrow at 9 and I am really really scared/nervous. Only a select few people know what's going on and I plan to keep it that way until further notice ;) No offense to those who don't know or who I gave vague details to, its just something I don't want out there until I am ready to react to others reactions.

Well I am waay too tired to write anymore... I will update Monday! OH yea I have court Monday so pray for my children and for me as well as Alex as we go to pre-trial Monday.