Im baaaaaaack!

I know its been a while, I have been soooo slammed with work!! We had this young lady leave our company and she did the work of 3 people! So I have to practically stop my job and help the department out. I don't mind at all BUT the only thing that kinda bothers me is that fact that most don't do anything and I have to help out! One girl calls the other department or they call her and they talk for 30 mins at a time! 2 others are really really really slow! The other just gossips about the other reps who haven't made it in yet! 1 just started about 2 months ago, he's trying as hard as he can but just isn't quite there. So basically we are a "team" of 8 people and 3 of us are getting everything done. Now I have brought up everything to my supervisors attention but basically they tell me "well do something about it". Now remember I am not supervisor, I am Quality Control Rep AKA the QC person/Rep2. I have tried to talk to them but me with no back up from my supervisor or manager AND I don't have the actual title to "tell them what to do" What can I do? I pray about it and keep positive. It just hits me in the mornings when I walk to my desk and I see my pile of papers keeps getting bigger and when I open my program where I see almost a weeks worth of stuff I need to QC there, it kinds buggs me. Oh well, this is a job not my career!

Now I think my case (divorce) is starting looking up for me! I haven't paid anyone anything yet but we found out some things about my ex and my lawyers are working on it. Lets just say, don't lie to the courts, social workers OR to my lawyers about anything, it will come out in the open! Thank God! I can't say much about it but God has a way of "Turning the light on" just when you think you can't find the switch! *Dana-God will turn the light on, keep you faith and spirits up ;)

Oh gosh! I missed church last Wednesday because we were suppose to have a thunderstorm and I couldn't drive 30 mins away to church with my baby, I couldn't risk her getting sick, well it didn't rain after all! I was soooo disappointed. THEN I missed church Sunday because all my children and me caught a cold. Fidel, Serina and me didn't get it too bad but I gave them medicine right at the right time and they are doing fine now. Now I missed church yesterday again because my baby is still sick and its been raining off and on. She is starting to do better, her little nose isn't running too bad anymore but she still has a bad cough and still sneezes. Please pray that she gets better. Luckily she isn't running fever yet and still has a HUGE appetite! hahaha

That's my update for now!

Post-poned....

Lets just say, Trial has been post-poned till Dec 12th. Now I am not happy with it but I am! I'm not ready but I'm ready to get this over with. You know. But my lawyer said that's a good thing sooo, I'm just going to take her word for it. Now I did pray last night for the Lord to intervene in this so He did!

I need prayers and support right now. The Lord is keeping me going but I am just so down and I swear I have cried about 4 times this morning and I feel it coming on again. I owe so many people and they are using that against me in court over and over again. My lawyer is wonderful and I am so happy she is willing to work with me.

For now....

This is hopeless....

Ok mediation was yesterday from 1:30 - 5, yes longest mediation in history I believe. Well the nice lady introduce herself and made us feel comfortable (as much as she could) I swear I know she could feel the tension in the room, I think she wanted to pull out the knife and just start slicing! No not us, the TENSION! haha Ok... Well think about it, its me/my lawyer, Alex/his lawyer, and my ex/his lawyer and then this nice sweet lady. I felt bad for her, she was shaking when she finally came to us and said "this is hopeless", her little hands were shaking, she couldn't sit still and at times she almost stuttered. Now this was not from me or Alex! And how do I know that, well let me explain....

We are sitting in this HUGE square table with 7 chairs around it, she was at the head of the table then to her right (going around the table) is my lawyer, me, Fidel's lawyer, Fidel, Alex's lawyer, Alex. She starts with me! Yea scared to death to even speak! I said "I am willing to continue with the 50-50 custody but I will NOT lose anymore of my time with my children, if we cannot negotiate 50-50 then I will have to go for full custody", she goes "ok and you (pointing to Alex)", "well, me and Crystal have not had any problems with our current joint custody and if I have to I will have her as the Sole provider and I get my visitations but I don't see it ever getting to that point where me and Crystal will have problems, we talk about everything and when we don't agree, we always seem to have a middle ground somewhere", She goes "Great and now you (pointing to my ex)"....

Now I want to you picture my ex, THE WHOLE TIME he is sitting with his arms crossed, eyebrows raised and he is slumped in his chair almost as if he were at home legs stretched out in front of the TV. Now then lets continue....

"well I am going to tell it like this, this is going to be a waste of our time. I want full custody and I will allow them to have extended visitation, if that is not going to be agreed on then we might as well leave and wait till Trial on Monday" now that's when I noticed the nice lady had this expression on her face like, this is not going to be easy. So when the nice lady asked my lawyer what she thought, my lawyer said that is not something we will agree to AT ALL! Then his lawyer goes off on my lawyer and she fires right back! Now remember I am sitting between them, I was slowly going to slide under the table for cover but I "sat" my ground! haha. Then the nice lady stood up and said "Now stop, you and you (Fidel and his lawyer) go to the room across the hall, I see obviously we are not going to corporate." and Alex's lawyer says "Hey I didn't have a chance to say anything!" and we all busted out laughing, the only 2 that weren't laughing was, of course, my ex and his lawyer. Well they finally left the room so its just the 4 of us and his lawyer sits where my ex was sitting and mocks him *crossing arms* "Its my way or nothing" and of course we are laughing. Well this is the 1st time Alex's lawyer has ever seen and met Fidel and of course he didn't like his attitude. Go Figure. About 20 minutes later, she comes back in and says basically that he isn't going to budge and that he is at least offering me something. WHAT?!?! Ok I kept my cool... then she said "Ok what if he removed you paying support, would you agree?" Now, I felt myself getting angry and wanting to yell "What kind of question is that!?" BUT I took a deep breathe and looked at her with the most serious look to let her know that what I was about to say is what I meant! Nothing with her but so that she knows. "I have paid support in the past and that is not what I care about, I fought hard to get my 50-50 visitations with my children and I am not going to give that time back. The point is if Fidel gets custody of the children, I will not have a part of their lives or a 'say-so' in anything they will participate in. The only part of their lives I will have if they reside with him is the weekends I get them and that's it! I will not do that! I won't do that! I am their mother and I love them with everything I have and more! I am willing to agree with 50-50 but I will absolutely not give up any of my time with them!" She looked at me, and its like she knew what I was saying was true, I want to be with my children, I want my children to be with ME! But if it will make this whole process easier for the children then yes I will stick with this 50-50 FOR MY CHILDRENS SAKE! So she goes back to them.... about an hour later she comes back and says "this is hopeless, I'm sorry there was nothing that could be settled but I wish the best" she smiled, shook our hands and left.

Ok, now as you can imagine what kind of day I had yesterday and I will not let it ruin my today! Right? Wrong! I am freakin' out! I have a 3-day trial that begins on MONDAY! Monday that's less that 3 days away!!! Oh, wait its better, its a JURY TRIAL! 13 strangers are about to know EVERYTHING about me and choose the future of my children's lives for the next 13+ years! Our children that they know nothing about! They don't even know how they look, how they smile, how funny they are, how they will just run to you and hug you and say how much they love you, how they say their prayers kneeling at their bed side and at then end of their prayer they say "I love you God", how everything just seems right when they see you cry and they just know to hug you and say " I love you, its ok". It has happened about 2 or 3 times when I cried in front of my children but its not purposely, its usually when I lay in bed and they are suppose to be asleep and they walk into my room and hear my little sniffs. I hate crying in front of them! I have not prayed as I should have been, I let life run me low. I am so emotionally and physically drained. I will get back on track!

Lord, you know my heart, you know how much I love my children. Please, I pray this prayer through Jesus Christ. Whatever the out-come, what-ever the courts decide, let it be your will Lord. I pray that you fill the court room, my lawyer, the judge, Alex's lawyer and the jury with you spirit. I pray that you continue to give me strength, courage, understanding and to continually fill me with your spirit Lord. Amen

On and Off...

Well I caught up on my sleep that night, which was very much needed (which I'm sure you could tell from my last post haha). I went back and reread it right now LOL, I couldn't even understand what I was trying to say! SORRY ABOUT THAT!! Well my baby and Serina were sick. Serina had been up all night with headaches and of course only momma can make her feel better, so there I was up all night taking care of her and luckily my baby slept all that night. So in the morning about 7:30 I just dropped off my son to school and Serina was fine so I thought maybe it was just headache and she's fine now. Well I asked her over and over again if she was ok and she said yes and she played fine so I left it alone. We left the clinic after getting my baby her shots and there goes Serina as soon as we got home, she was having bad headaches again. So I was in the middle of feeding my baby some yummy carrots, I kinda rush that, got ready again and headed right back to the clinic. She had a sinus infection which she was so stuffed up it was making her head hurt. She's fine now :D Well after Fidel picked her up, I was going to lay down with my baby to take a much needed nap, but she started crying and running a little bit of fever. I really thought I was going to go crazy! So I gave her some Tylenol, she wouldn't eat and she didn't sleep all that night either. Which brings you to the post that didn't make sense! hahaha Hope that was clear enough for you! :)

Well, had a meeting with my lawyer, everything seems to be going ok with my divorce. We have my evidence together, my ex gave his disposition and we went over that. I had to clear up a lot of things my ex was claming. So crossing my fingers that everything goes smooth. Well I have to admit something, have you ever been so scared of someone that if things worked out for you that that person that was fighting to keep you down comes after you? I am! Everyone and sometimes even my lawyers doesn't seem to believe me or that I am exaggerating but I honestly feel that way. I hope I am just being paranoid but who knows my ex better than someone who spent 5+ years living, loving, leaving and being hurt by him?? I'm afraid that if he doesn't "hurt" me that he will leave to Mexico with my kids and I won't find them! :( I know most of you haven't gone through what I have or can understand where I'm coming from but I have less than 2 weeks till trial and.... Well I'll leave it at that.

My children are doing great! Still need to get some sleep, my daughter is on and off. She either sleeps through the night or she doesn't and last night was she was on! hahaha Doesn't she come with a switch or a remote?? I swear I need to find it! LOL Serina, is getting bigger and is starting to become a bully? How can I stop that before it gets out of hand?? Fidel is doing a great job in school! He had "S" - Satisfactory on everything!!!!!!!!! *sniff sniff* I'm so proud of him!