Hmmmmmm

How can you love someone and not know anything about them? 

Example : Favorite color, favorite number, what foods you like, what turns you on, what your favorite song is?

I want answers from everyone.

Do you feel that???

My arm being twisted by Ash telling me to update!  LMBO  Yea so... V-day wasnt as bad as I had planned it in my head.  I got off of work, went home got ready, picked up M2 and headed to Olive Garden!  We get there and everyone is still waiting for a table, so we talk and then Stace noticed that a group had been seated before us!!  Soooo they got us settled and M2's friend, Misty, came a couple of minutes later, Oh Lord!  If I would have known how crazy she was I wouldnt have ordered food, she had the whole table laughing so hard I think we may have gotten 2 bites out of our food!!  She was great company but she has to be a after dinner thang, cause I know I was hungry when I left my apartment! hahaha

So, my neighbors upstairs are pretty much drama.  The people they bring over, the loud music and the constant fighting.  *deep breathe*  So in the last 3 days I have been functioning on 9 hours of sleep TOTAL!  Yea, so I am in search of a Lease-to-own home in my area and if not then I guess I am stuck where I am!  :(

My children, man I dont even know what to say.  I can't say this enough but they are a blessing to me.  Every day, it never fails, they tell me "Mom, you are the best mommy ever, I love you"  And I make it a point to always tell my children every day at least twice a day that I love them and for them to constantly make it a point to you too its amazing.  For those who dont have children, Im sure you are a aunt/uncle/cousin/something and still know what I am talking about.  Its like those words are nothing compare to them coming from a child who say what they feel and not worry about the reactions they'll get or who will judge them, they just say it and mean it!

OOOOOO Saturday was Lisa's baby shower and we had a blast!!!!!  She looked so happy and the baby got lots of stuff from toys to clothes to his first spoons and forks!  It was great!

Valentines Day

And the day starts

I actually did it!

Ok this may not seem like a big deal to some but it is too me!  You see when I was 14 years old I was the only girl who had very long hair... Im not talking to mid-back Im talkin below my butt long.  My grandmother made me promise her that I would never cut my hair.  Since it was so important to my grandmother it became important to me.  Well since I have only had about 3 car accidents, including my last one which was the major one to me so my back and my neck have been through a lot!  My hair is/was so heavy that I would get migraines and such... so what did I do?  I cut it!  Granted its only mid-back but you know what that is a WHOLE lot to me!  Of course that's after I got my grandmothers permission.  I wish I had a before and after picture but I don't so the previous 2 posts shows my hair now!

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Me again

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And there it is!

I wanna cry!

My sister called me and told me that she doesn't care she is going to pay for my hair cut AND to take me to go and get a pedicure!  To me its like I am about to be pampered and its been YEARS since I've had a pedicure (and no my toes aren't IN NEED hahaha) and as far as a hair cut I've never had a hair cut mainly trims so my hair right now right below my behind and Im cutting it to mid-back! 

Ok so yesterday I received a bill that was SO VERY unexpected and I called my cousin since she was the one that ran up my bill 3x that I normally pay and of course she'll see what she could do!  I don't even know why I tried anyways heck they owe me money already AND never replace using up ALMOST everything!   I felt like breaking down yesterday and trying to figure out what bills I can push back so unfortunately there is not much that I can say "Oh I don't have to pay that right now" Sooo Im working on Sunday which is the one day that I vowed NEVER to work on but its got to be done.

But on another good note, wanna end this positive, for some reason I am not too worried ya know.  For some reason I know its going to work out, I know it.  I think Im making myself worry but I just don't feel like I am going to fail, ya know.  Wishful thinking maybe or the Lord knows our needs and He will not let me fail.

Oh and Lisa's baby shower is THIS Saturday and WOW, its been a long time since I've been to one that wasn't mine! LMBO!

Actions speaks louder than words

You know what... I got a letter from him today and he was livid!  How could I just leave him?  What is he just a piece of f*ing trash a f*ing past to me?

Hmmm, you know, can you see the changes?  Things aren't going his way, he is mad.  I don't want to be with him, he is mad.  I cant get over the past, he is mad. 

He will not give me up!  He is not letting me go without a fight!  Watch! 
Hmmmmm

Wow, what was I thinking, what's wrong with me!  *sarcasm*

No changes, his temper is obviously still there and he is mad cause I am done, just like we were BEFORE he went to jail.

How dare he even get upset with me?!  Curse at ME?!

You know, he says he's matured a lot and has changed and wants to live his life with me and my kids and go to church with us.  You know, actions speaks louder than words.

Today maybe...

I got a response from Alex last night and he got the letters where I was telling him about the couple fighting upstairs and how much it reminded me of how we use to fight and how he would put his hands on me. I wrote about these 2 incidents that burns my memory and he told me how sorry he was and when he read it and thought about those days he felt so low and so stupid. He wrote how he would never treat me like that again, he wants a chance to show me how love is suppose to be and so on.

You know, a man its suppose to protect his woman emotionally, mentally and physically. A REAL MAN. But because I let these "men" (referring to my ex-husband and Alex) treat me the way they did, I second guess everything about me, I am so scared of letting myself get close to anyone even some of my friends which thankfully I have 3 that I can trust, and I don't know if I want another guy in my life.

Well anyways, I am expecting a response from him today regarding the letter I wrote him telling him that we are done, I need my space, I need to concentrate on me and my family. *deep breath*

I went to church Sunday and the message hit home with me. I have a lot of changes to make, a lot of things I need to accomplish and I need mainly Him to help get us there!

Trip plannin... Im on it!

I went to church on Sunday and it was needed!  Me and my girls enjoyed ourselves and Im glad I got my lazy butt up to go! hahaha  Everyone missed us and catch us up on everything so we are good now! :)

Lets see.... what else.  Oh, I am waiting for my IT to come in so I can hurry up and take a MUCH needed break!  Me and my aunt are going to go to Galveston with the kids this summer!  I am sooooo excited! I can't wait!!!  My kids are going to have soo much fun!  I need to check it out and find out what's out there so I can "plan" out the places we are going to go and of course GET THE MONEY! LOL   There is this hotel along the beach and I am leaning that way so that when we wake up in the morning we can just walk out and we are ON the beach!

Lets see...

I wrote Alex and told him that he needs to understand that I can't be with him.  There is no way I can let go of the past, all the hurt and all the lies especially while he is in jail.  But honestly I still would want to visit him and write him.  I honestly feel he needs to know there is still someone out here to support him and will help him.  If I do turn my back on him, he is just going to go back to the way he was and never change, I dont want that.  He is still the father of my girls.  Not saying I will do everything for him or fall for anything he may say or do BUT just knowing that someone has that support for you can help keep the person on the right track.  His mom and them are obviously only there to put money on his books. 

Its weird writing this cause I know my mindset and everyone who may read this may think, yep she is still dumb! LOL  No, its not like that.  Im more less being a friend.  I would never turn my back on my friends, I would support their decisions and help however I can.  That's what I am doing for Alex.  I want him to get his life right, I want him to learn how to support himself and I want him to know that there is someone there ready and willing to help him.  HELP not do everything for him, only help!