Mother of MANY Yep that's me!

I don't think I have ever written on how I feel when people say "how are ALL your children?" haha Ok I know I am 24 and I have 3 children and Alex's little girl that I love so much and I wish she were mine so I really have 4. Now, I know I'm young but I love my children! I don't regret them or wish I could take them back. Not one part of me wants to! I do wish I would have finished college before having my children but they are here and I love them! The court can tell me how "immature" I am for having another baby, people make their faces at me or get smart comments like "hey baby-factory" but you know what Deal With It! I AM IN LOVE WITH MY CHILDREN! I can't help it. I take care of them, they have what they need and they have so much love that surrounds them everywhere they go. I crave to be with my children, I look forward to every morning I wake up and see their beautiful faces peacefully dreaming and when they wake up they come to my bed and wake me up with a kiss saying "Good morning momma". They motivate me to do things with my life, to get things right with God! They are one of my reasons why I changed my ways and giving everything to Him. My life, my children's lives, my everything!

Now this is not to my friends who just play with me. This is for those who don't know me or my children but who judge me.

Ok... On a much more happy note, IM SICK! hahaa I think I have a flu again or something, I could not sleep last night, my whole body is aching, my throat hurts and I feel sick! I need sleep! That day will come when my children turn AT LEAST 18 hahaha....

I think I am going to cut my hair. Now for the bloggers who have never seen me, I have very very long hair that is past my bottom, medium light brown/blonde (I really don't know the actual color ha), I don't put products in my hair except shampoo and conditioner, its all natural. Well Its too long! haha I know I will have a lot of "words" from most of you *cough ASH cough* but its just an idea. I don't think I'm brave enough to do so but anyone have any ideas on what to do with my hair. I always have it down or in a pony tail, I want something different and I would prefer not to cut it but I need ideas! I can't curl it, it doesn't stay no more than an hour even if I put a whole can of hair spray in my hair. Plus I have 3 children that I don't have time to be stuck in the restroom..
Ideas?? Anyone??

I gotta work...

I have my children and I wish I could be at home with them right now... but I gotta work. I picked up my children yesterday and my son started acting up again, but I he's home with me. When I got him in the car, Fidel (sr) told me I have to take him to the doctor or else he was going to. Ok, now he's had him this whole time why didn't he take my son to the doctor?? Anyways, Sunday when I picked him up last time I thought he had a bruise on his eye so I took pics and kept asking him "What happened to your eye?" and he kept saying "I was in a tree and bad boy and girl pulled me down?" So I asked him "what are they're names" and he just kept saying "bad boy and girl" So I left it alone, THEN I noticed it started to puss a little bit but not enough to where I can pop it. To me I thought maybe a ant bit him while he was in the tree or something, and my son wouldn't let me touch it. When I picked him up yesterday my son's eye would only open half way! Well after I saw it this time I knew it was the same thing my little girl had. Remember that boil that she had on her little bottom, well that's on my son's eye. So I took him to the doctor this morning before I came to work and they gave him a shot which , hopefully, will kill the infection but if not then in a couple of days I have to take him to the emergency room and get them to cut it open and but the doctor wants to avoid that because there are a lot of nerves in the eye. Not only that, I paid the co-pay PLUS the left over amount that Fidel (sr) left from the hospital bill and then the medicine. I am not going to worry *starting to panic a little*. God will see me through this financial situation. At least my son is being taken care of now.

Serina is still very happy and now is in this thing where she says "Momma you want to see something cool?" and she'll try to do a cartwheel! hahaha

Alayna is so chunky!!!! And so happy!! Its like she knows when Fidel and Serina are around because she starts wanting more attention when they are there! Spoiled little girl!

God is certainly working, my brother got saved back in May and went a few times to church but then just stopped and started on the wrong path again. Well he called me a little while ago and asked if he could go to church with me tomorrow! THANK GOD! I have been praying and praying and I knew God was going to do something. I just had to be patient.

Half :) /Half :(

:)

1. I get my children today
2. Blessing are starting to come in
3. Able to get some real grocies for my kids (and no we aren't starving NOT THAT SERIOUS)
4. My friends are so wonderful to me
5. Saved some money on car insurance!

:(

1. Found out my NEW monthly bill a month on the credit card we had been using for court(more than 3x we were paying)
2. Running out of ways to get someone to pick up my son from school without me losing my job
3. Trying to find out how I can come up with $1,200 within a couple of weeks
4. To come up with $3,300 for my lawyer in 6 weeks
5. I CANNOT SKIP TITHES THIS CHECK! but am so tempted to.. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN

Lord please!!

I don't want to give up! But I am so weak right now! I can't lose my kids Lord! I want my children to be raised in a loving, Godly home and Fidel isn't going to do that! Please Please Please help me! I can't take it, I financially, emotionally and physically CANNOT do it! I have 6 weeks till trail and I am running out of energy and strength! Lord, I have left it up to you and I will continue to have faith but Lord I feel I just can't handle anything else being thrown at me! I just can't!

Please dear God, give me strength, wisdom and courage to keep going!

Lord give me patience!

Ok my weekend started off great (at first)! Went to Lisa's about 7 or so and talked a while and started making our grilled chicken salad! Which by the way was AWESOME! She bought some wine and, LOL, I've only had wine once and so I don't know how to really drink it. I took a big GULP! hahaha Oh no no no! So I started sipping on it and it just didn't do well with me! Andrea shared some of her peach wine stuff and it was good but Im just not a peach person. So Lisa's MAN bought me a six pack of Barcardi O3. NOW THAT DID IT! I was feelin' pretty good when I left! Had to leave about 10:30 because Alex was flippin out and headed to my house with the baby. SO I left after his 20th call and he told me he was waiting at my house with the baby! ARRRG! So I left because I just can't have my baby waiting in a car in my back yard! So I got there and fell asleep! Thanks Lisa, it was short but I had a great time! It was nice to get out and be with friends for a little while!

Now Saturday! MY actual Birthday! I locked myself out of the house and of course my house keys are on my cars keys! So I was out in the heat and finally called Alex to get me! So I didn't work like I had planned to!

Sunday! I go to pick up my kids... NOW HERE IT GOES:

Me and Alex's sister get to his house about 30 mins early so that we can take pics of the house. Fidel has everyone believing that he lives in the front house when he actually lives in the back house next to an alley and no gate to close it off. They found out me and his sister were taking pics of the house and he recorded my son crying that he didn't want to go with me. But what they recorded was Fidel bringing my son half-way down the walkway and letting him run back in then he tells me "Call the cops". Then I yelled back at him "Why do we always have to involve the cops just bring my son out to me?" and he just kept saying "Call the cops" So I called and they told me that I have to have my papers with me so I run back home and on my way back to his house he calls me telling me "I'll take mijo to school and you can pick him up from there" and I said " I'm on my way back to get him" him-"oh you are still going to try" me- "yea this is my time with my son" him- "Just make sure you call the cops" *end call* He calls back not even 5 mins later "I'm leaving you'll just have to get him tomorrow" me- "Um no your family can bring him out to me" him- "I'm leaving now and he's going with me" me- "where are you taking him" him- "I'm not going to tell you" me- "you have to tell me, you can't take my son somewhere on my time and not tell me" him- "I don't have to tell you anything BYE" me- "Fidel don't hang up" him- "What" me- "where are you taking my son" him - " BYE" *end call* while I was arguing with him Alex's sister is calling the cops on her phone. So we are about to turn on his street and he is racing passed us so we start to chase him and I call the cops and they told me that I have to be at the pick up location in order to have a report made so we go back to his house (we had already lost him at the second light). We wait and wait while his family is on the phone laughing and pointing at us. The cops came and I get out and show them my papers and his brother and mother start walking towards us and the cops tell them to stay away! HA! So I explained that my son does fight with me a little but I need him with me on my time and I look down his drive way!! MY EX IS THERE AT THE HOUSE!!!! He drove through the alley and went through the back so he was there the whole time!!! And I told them I didn't know he was there. So they took down some info and went to his house and they searched his brother and his brother started saying something and they asked "Are you the father" and he said no and they told him they wanted to talk to him. SO Fidel comes out and the only thing I heard was the cops telling him "He is not 18 and has no choice, per court orders your son has to come with her!" then his brother started saying "so he has to go even if...." cops- "you're not the parent so you don't say anything" .... So my son came out and started to run back in and I grabbed him and picked him up and I said "Look at mommy, what don't you want to come with mommy?" He calmed down and just said "I want to stay with papi" and I walked to the car just talking to him and he sat in his seat and we left! The whole time his brother was recording us RECORD THAT!! Drama!!! Now why put my son through all of that! He should have just brought him out to me where I can get him and let us leave instead of all that! Its not healthy for my kids to call the cops everytime I go to pick them up! But instead of listening to me the guy that I was paying $150 an hour for and the Social worker think I am too immature to take care of my kids because I had another baby. Ok, get over it! They are saying I drove my ex crazy because I started "dating" Alex and that set him off. Ummm no he was crazy before I started dating Alex. Actually that's the whole reason why I left him.

Well all I can do it leave it to God and have him handle it.

Oh my goodness... LOL

Ok my job celebrated my B-day today! I have a funny hat and they even had a pinata for me!! hahah FILLED TO THE TOP with candy and chocolate cake!!! I swear.. They even spun me around and blind folded me!! hahaha

Why is he still at my house ASLEEP!

I know what I want... and its not this!

As you all know, me and Alex are not "together". We made an agreement that we would be separated but still try things out when our divorces were final. WELL, I've been holding my end but Alex has this crazy idea he can still keep tabs on me and tell me what to do. I was dumb enough to let him know what I was doing but as far as telling me what to do NOPE not anymore. Well, last night he called me about 1:30 AM telling me that he was coming over to my house, I repeatedly told him "NO" and just finally hung up. He calls me at 3:30 AM and says the same thing but instead he was saying "Baby, I need to get laid and I want to be with you" NEED TO GET LAID!! What is wrong with him?!?! Of course he was drunk and out with his cousins! So I blew it off and went back to sleep. He calls me again at 5:50 AM and says "I'm on my way" and I told him "NO" and turned my phone off, I had to get up in 20 mins to get ready for work! So at 6:10 AM he is yanking my screen door, about to wake up the baby so I finally let him in! He stumbled to lay in my bed and was like "Baaabe, Baaaabe, Baaaby" I ignored him! I was so disgusted with him!! I was thinking to myself, as I was getting ready for work, this is not what I want! This is not what I want for my children! I am not going to continue with this at all!! So I know he is going to call me as soon as he wakes up and try and sweet talk me but I am going to tell him flat out "Leave me alone, until you get your life right with God there will be nothing more between us!" and that will be that!!!

I finally went to church last night and will be going tonight too! Revelations Conference goes thru until Friday! It was good! Everything the preacher was preaching felt like it was for me! I know it was God talking to me and telling me what I need to do! And this morning proved it! I know I wasn't meant to have a drunk for a "husband" or someone who is still going to run the streets at night! And I am NOT going to settle for that! I deserve more, God knows my heart and my desires and I have faith that He is going to bless me and my children in so many ways but I have been blocking my blessing for Alex. Not anymore!

Oh and Lisa, I emailed you twice, and I don't think you're getting my emails but I'm getting yours!

Update Needed!!!

Ok, I finally got my son Saturday morning since he still fought to come with me Friday evening. I called the cops twice because my ex refused to bring him out saying something is going on at my house. Cops never came so I went back Saturday with Alex's sister and my ex told me to call the cops because he wasn't going to bring him out. So I did and I gave the cop my court order and he order Fidel to bring my son out. THANK GOD! My son fought with me and Alex's sister, he even pulled her hair and slapped her. She was surprised at how my son was acting. She said "Oh my God, Crystal I've never seen him like this, he has always been a sweet heart". He was screaming and yelling the whole time and I kept asking him "Why don't you want to come with momma?" and FINALLY he said it "Because papi said you will give me Pow-Pow(spanking)!" WHAAAAT!!!! That blew my mind!!! Does my ex know he is not hurting me but is hurting the children!! But now my son is home with momma and is my happy, sweet little boy! He started school yesterday and loves it!! He even told me "Momma you have to pick me up today and tomorrow from school, ok?!" hahaha Unfortunately, I can't pick him up tomorrow b/c its his daddy's turn but MAN I would love too!! I didn't go to church Sunday, HUGE migraine and neck was killing me. Got a lot done at home, spent my time with the children, played, watched cartoons and even just watched the baby together! I hated missing church but I felt I needed to be home with them. I think I work too much and barely have time with them and they notice that. So I have to make more of an effort not to rush to get things done during the weekday and take my time with the kids, even if I get done with everything and finally in bed by 12!

Ok ya'll 5 days till my BIRTHDAY!!! Wooohoo!! I will be a big 2 4 !!!!!!!!!!

Thank Ya'll so much for the encouraging words and support! This is so hard to go through alone! But THANK GOD I have Him and wonderful friends and some family that cares!!

LIFE....

need I say more!


Ok ok okokok..... Things seem to still fall down on me! I need prayers!! Lots and lots of prayers!! I'm trying to stay strong and sane, which for the most part I am but a part of me just wants to let go and give up. I know I am never going to do that but its just how I feel.

Ex.
1. I have my children Sun-Wed. *crying* This is the 2nd time my son fought to come with me. He even said " I don't love momma " that just killed me inside. The 1st time my ex was nice enough ( I know I know AMAZING) to drop him off at my house and my son was fine he played with me and had a great time. This time he absolutely did NOT want to get in my car and come. I even went back Monday after my chiropractor appt still no luck! I spent over an hour trying to get him to come with me. So I didn't have him this time but I am going to make another attempt to get him this weekend! I need my son! I need my time with him! I need to find out why he doesn't want to come! I can't handle my child not wanting momma! He loves me I know he does but why is he acting this way! How can I get my son to want to come with me?? I don't need this.

2. Alex was putting Serina in the car when I picked them up and he says (talking to Serina) "at least you want to spend time with me" Do you care how hurt I am?!?! Why would you say something so hurtful like that knowing how much I love my children?!?!

Am I going crazy?!? I need to learn how to pray more and to give it all to Him and have faith! I've changed my life but I still haven't learned to LIVE for him! You know.


*OPEN INVITATION*
Sun-Thurs 8/13-8/17
Trinity Baptist Church
Arlington, Tx
Revelation Conference Week! Come out hear the Word of God, its all about the book of Revelation! Its going to be great!! If you would like to come leave me your email address and I will send you the address and maybe some directions! ;)

Its final, done deal, Im officially single...

Now I have told some of what happened and received many responses. I take blame for me over reacting and causing the situation, when I should have just let it go. Now that doesn't mean he's right for what he did and I deserved it! Not at all! But I should have just let it go. Well I talked to him last night and asked for forgiveness and he asked the same. All is forgiven. We agree to be separated and let each other think things through and still be there for one other, the communication will still be open and respect each other. We agreed that maybe once my divorce is final and his too, we can try and make things work. We love each other so much and want to be a family together. But if I can't let go of the past, see his changes and not argue with him all the time~~ it will never work! He has things he needs to take care of, stress cannot take place with him right now because he will end up in the hospital (health reasons) and priorities he needs to get together. We gave each other a loooong, warm and loving hug and said good bye. I admit after he left, I cried so hard and prayed a short prayer for myself. It hurts more for some reason when both know that they can't be together at that present time but they want to so badly. I prayed that God completely takes over my life, take away the anger I have, take away all the stress of my life, to heal me and to fill me with his spirit everyday so that I may live for Him COMPLETELY. I feel the change I do but time will tell. How can I expect God to bless me if I can't give my complete self to Him?? I give what I want and live for the flesh. God doesn't want half of me, He wants ALL of me. I have changed what I wanted about me for Him but I need to give it all. I was living in the life called Adultery and I am not and cannot do it anymore. If me and Alex are meant for each other, God will bring us together. But if God has someone else in mind or no one at all, I will find out and it will be a blessing either way. I never stopped and thought about it but Adultery is a serious problem especially in God's eyes. I gave it up! Now watch how he will change me!

PISSED!!!

I was at church last night and Alex calls me asking if he could go to Mexico until Saturday!!
1. Why the fuck would you even consider going IF IM HURT AND SICK and NEED your help with the baby!
2. You need to look for a fucking job!
3. Selfish mother-F-er!
So we get into it and it ends with him saying "Forget it Im not going" And I told him "Just go I don't need you, I can make it like I always do!"
The fucked up part is, he went drinking last night with his cousin and used MY fucking bank card and never came to the house last night! When I picked up the baby after church he told me he would be at my house in a little bit! I look at my account today, Guess what, there are 3 separate charges for about $7 each! If I had money to spend IT NOT FOR YOU TO GO DRINKING WITH!!! That's my money!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your cousins don't help you! When you need money or anything me and Lilly(his older sister) are the ones there!! But YOU didn't help me because you want to go drinking with THEM! His step-father just told him "How do you expect your family to work if they cant depend on you?" I wrote him a text message saying "I don't think he was talking about your cousins but the family YOU created!" I have a migraine I haven't been able to get rid of since the freakin' accident!!!!! I didn't sleep last night 1. waiting on him! 2. the baby was up crying! 3. my migraine kept waking me up!

So when I dropped the baby off I wrote him and his sister a text message saying "Alex will be watching the baby tonight, I will not be picking her up. I have things I want to do. If he can't stay there with the baby he can go to his mom's house to watch her!".... Well that's not word for word but you have the idea!

One thing after another

Ok, as some may know. I was involved in a accident and I am feeling it now! I am going to try and see a chiropractor for my pain. Thank goodness the guy's insurance isn't giving me any hassles about anything and are covering everything. I picked up my rental a '07 Malibu. Niiiice! Eats up gas like no other but nice! Had my kids this weekends and Dang I had no time to think about my pain until we laid down to sleep Sunday night and it all hit me! I did work Tuesday sick and in pain. (how many times have you seen PAIN in this paragraph and I ain't even done yet! haha)

Well, before I forget, I think the guy ran a stop sign or just took off too fast and his me in the back driver side where my gas tank is and I did a 180 one way then back 180 the other. So yea he had to be speeding! But whatever.

I was actually able to take my kids to McDonald's this weekend and get them HAPPY MEALS!! Not the $1 menu but freakin' HAPPY MEALS!! Oh my goodness, I miss seeing their faces light up when they see the boxes knowing their toys are inside! hahaa Priceless! hahaha